SEPTEMBER 15th
munera gladiatoria finals
MUNERA GLADIATORIA
Presented by : Marcus Cassius Philippus
| DISCLAIMER: THIS REPORT BY MARCUS CASSIUS
PHILIPPUS PRINTED BELOW IS PURELY A PIECE OF FICTION INTENDED STRICTLY TO
ENTERTAIN THE READER RATHER THAN JUST PUBLISHING THE MUNERA GLADIATORIAL RESULTS IN A STRAIGHT FORWARD AND SOMEWHAT DRY FASHION. NO OFFENSE IS MEANT TO ANYONE OR ANY PLACE REFERRED TO OR MENTIONED IN IT. SO PLEASE JUST ENJOY IT AND TAKE IT LIGHTLY AS A COMIC INTERLUDE IN AN OTHERWISE VERY SERIOUS WORLD. IT INCLUDES SOME OFF COLOR MATERIAL THAT MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR THE WEAK OF STOMACH OR THE TENDER OF SENTIMENT. ROME WAS A BAUDY PLACE AND THIS PIECE OF FICTION WOULD PERHAPS HAVE FIT PERFECTLY WELL IN THAT SOCIETY. IF AFTER READING THIS DISCLAIMER YOU WOULD PREFER TO JUST SEE THE RESULTS AND DISREGARD IT TOTALLY, JUST SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM AND YOU WILL FIND THEM THERE MARCUS CASSIUS PHILIPPUS Salvete Civis, Marcus Cassius Philippus is here again with your exclusive arena-side report for Nova Roma Sports, today reporting on the Munera Gladiatoria Ludi Finals. We have beautiful seasonal weather today, the air is crisp and just a tad cool, the sky is a deep cerulean blue with great white fluffy cumulus clouds floating by. The Consuls have ordered the amphitheater staff to roll out the awnings in those areas where the sunlight is directly beaming down on the audience in order to insure their comfort. The arena's sand has already been raked and made ready for this afternoon's final gladiatorial venue. The crowd goes to its feet as the four remaining gladiators walk to the foot of the Consuls' seats and lift their weapons in salute: "Ave Consules, morituri te salutamus." (Hail Consuls, we who are about to die, salute you.) Two of the gladiators walk back to the entry gate and disappear back into the bowels of the stadium. Two of them stay in the arena for the first bout of the afternoon. They are Naois Ansgar the Murmillo, who if you all recall, got a pass from having to participate in the Semifinals a few days ago. The Retiarius, Vir, faces him. Caius Arminius Reccanellus, Vir's owner, is again sitting with Pompeia Minucia Strabo, one of this year's Consuls. He is again wearing a brilliant white toga. No one knows whether he is planning to run for office or not but most civis who follow Nova Roman politics are wagering that he will be. Quintus Vitellius Vopiscus, the owner of the Murmillo about to fight is sitting nearby with Proconsul Marcus Minucius Audens the Governor of Provincia Nova Britannia and we can overhear their animated discussion. They appear to be in a heated debate over the construction of some bridge or other that is to span over the `Nonesuch' River in Nova Britannia up in Regio Maine from what I know of the geography of my home Province. I guess Vopiscus is a major financial sponsor of the project, at least that is what we can make out from the conversation. Vopiscus is not happy over the high costs of the project and Senator Audens is trying to explain why the costs have been so high. Some people never really stop working, do they! Marcus Quintus Clavus, Optio of Century I, Cohors II, Legio Tertia (III), more comonly known as Cyrenaica, Caesar's Conquerors and an old military comrade of mine is here with me today. He is on leave from his unit and is happy to assist me today. As some of you may know, that is my old unit as well and we both fought in the Iewish Rebellion together, including the sack of Ierusalem. Quintus Marcius Brutus of Legio Quinta, more affectionately known to us as Horse S#*t Brutus since our Triumph is also with us. He is also a veteran of that war and was at the battle for Ierusalem with us. Aula Tullia Scholastica who assisted me during the Semifinals declined my invitation, telling me that she would rather be thrown to the lions than sit next to me ever again. What did I say? The action is starting up now. Both gladiators have nodded to each other and are slowly closing the gap separating them. "This is a classic matching, that of a Murmillo with a Retiarius. We can trace the history of this kind of matching back to the good old days of the early Republic." You don't say Quintus? You would know! To those of you listening to this broadcast, Quintus is one of the most knowledgeable Roman historians that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. We here at Nova Roma Sports are honored to have his input today. "Gratias Philippus. I appreciate your confidence." "Guys, you are missing all the action!" Damn, you're right Brutus. They are going at it already, those two. Ansgar is the heavy favorite today since he is well rested and it certainly looks it. He looks like he is possessed by the God of War - Mars himself. He has taken all the fight out of Vir by coming in as tight as possible before the Retiarius could utilize his long range tools. "Yes Philippus, he timed it just right. While was Vir was approaching and his net was being rotated behind his head he broke into a charge, dropped his scutum on Vir's trident and just continued quickly coming in by actually walking up its long handle. Vir was forced to let it go and started to back up." Unfortunately for Vir, a Murimllo can charge much faster than a Retiarius can retreat. Ansgar was on him in the time it takes to throw dice down. Vir's only defense now is that little curved knife Retiarius' tend to stick in their balteus. Vir is down. Ansgar has mounted him and his sword is at Vir's throat, his leg pinning the Retiarius' knife arm just above his elbow. I know that spot, it is incredibly painful and forces you to let go of anything you may be gripping, in this case, a knife. Vir's net, although wrapped around the Murmillo's back is totally useless to him. Ansgar is looking up to the Consul Pompeia. She has indicated Vir's fate with her thumb. It's up to her throat. Vir is to die. The entire audience agrees with her wholeheartedly. Ansgar sticks his sword straight into Vir's neck without any more delay and Vir's whole body spasms and bucks upward, almost dislodging Ansgar off his torso. His legs now kick out....once, twice,....its over. Ansgar moves on to the Grand Finals. It looks like its going to be a short sporting venue today folks. "Actually Philippus, I have done a study of these gladiatorial fights and I must tell you and the audience that the average length of engagement in a gladiatorial match is just slightly longer than those we legionaries experience on the battlefield. This is certainly due to their fantastic fitness level and martial training specific to the arena but that being said, all of that fitness and training gives them only a slightly longer time to get the job done or get maimed or worse, killed. Any engagement that takes longer than that is usually staged or choreographed. I don't think that kind of match would fool such a sophisticated audience as this, perhaps in an arena in the outer provinces but certainly not here at the Flavian Amphitheater." Well Quintus, although I must in agree with you in principle, I have seen some bouts go on to the point where both combatants are exhausted. Granted it is rare but it does happen. The bouts in this Gladiatorial Ludi however are all fights to the death unless spared through Consular or majority clemency so the fighters are going all out. They know their only hope is to kill and to do it quickly, not to count on clemency. The next two gladiators are now entering the arena. They are Aequoreus the Murmillo and the Secutor, Ktistai. Their owners are sitting together today. Speaking of owners, Vopiscus is delighted by that last bout. He is drinking it up with Senator Audens. No more shop talk, Hehehe! "The Consul is consoling Reccanellus as best as she can." Oh well, I guess a few hugs from Po will give him some comfort. I wouldn't mind some of that myself from that honey. "Philippus, lets not be disrespectful of one of our Consuls. Remember, we are `live' on the airwaves. Most of Nova Roma is listening. You may lose your job if you keep this up." I don't really care Quintus. This is my last broadcast. I've decided to retire to my villa in Ostia as soon as this Ludi is over and write my memoirs of the Iewish War. I've earned enough money, killed enough rebels and spent enough time in the halls of power here in Roma. It's time to leave. Villa Philippi and my wonderful wife of many years, Aurelia, beckon me. Besides, I want to see my two beautiful girls grow up fat and happy with me there to see to it. They need my close attention and it would be nice to actually live with Aurelia after so many years campaigning abroad and working here in Roma. This is definitely my last broadcast. Would you like to come to my villa for the rest of what remains of the summer, Quintus? We'd be happy to have you stay with us for a while. You don't have to go back to the Legio right away do you? "I'm there Philippus. Gratias! I hear there's some real good fishing in the waters off Ostia. I've always wanted to try that. They say that it is quite relaxing." The luscious Lucia Cassia Silvana and young Titus Iulius Sabinus Crassus, the owners of the gladiators in the arena right now, so I hear, are the best of friends. Rumor has it that when the two of them get together a Banquet is soon to follow. It really doesn't seem to matter to them which of these fighters wins today. To these two, they are only property to be enjoyed and nothing more. "More owners should be that way. Some people just get so caught up with the Ludi that they forget that this is supposed to be about entertainment." You are so right Quintus! The action is starting up now so lets concentrate on it. The Murmillo is definitely better protected but the Secutor has more mobility, this will be an interesting match. Both of these men have been very aggressive in their previous engagements at this Ludi. They both charge at each other and....CRASH,....they bounce off their scutum. They both attempted to stab downward over their scutum before bouncing off and were subsequently thwarted by each of their helmets. Here they come again. CRASH! Again they try the same tactic, again unsuccessfully. Oh, no here they go again, what are they Rhinos?....Wait, the Murmillo ducked under this time. By Hercules' Invincible War Club, Aequoreus has just cut the Secutor's left leg right off in one clean swipe of his sword. The Secutor is down screaming his lungs off. He is trying to protect himself by shielding himself with his large scutum. His amputated leg, cut off just below the knee lies there limply on the now red-wet sand. There is also a large crimson puddle growing from the bottom of his scutum. The Murmillo has just knocked off the Secutor's scutum and stands above Ktistai with the point of his sword aimed at the helpless Secutor's throat. Again it's thumbs to the throat from everyone, including the Consuls. Pompeia did hesitate but finally gave the go-ahead. "It's really for the best. The Secutor would have been useless for any kind of further employment anywhere. No one likes to feed good bread to a useless slave." Again, quite correct Quintus. Roma has enough useless mouths to feed, just take a look at all the fat politicians gathered here today! Hehehe. "Philippus, its a good thing you're retiring because you would definitely have a very hard time finding further employment in this town, don't you think? You really should watch what you say more carefully. All of Nova Roma is listening." ....And agreeing with my honest estimation amice! Hehehe!!! One more bout and it's all over for the Munera Gladiatoria Ludi. There will now be a small intermission in the action so that Aequoreus can gather his strength for the last bout. He will be facing Vopiscus' Murmillo, Naois Ansgar. Silvana is quite excited, she only had one entry in this Ludi and he is in the Grand Finals. By Venus' Heavenly Bosom, she will be in a VERY festive mood tonight, especially if Aequoreus beats Ansgar. I must get an invitation to her little Banquet this evening. Hehehe! She will be very, very approachable neh? "Oh Philippus, remember your Aurelia? She is most likely listening to you this very moment. You are in so much trouble right now that you may have to retire in chilly old Gaul instead of Ostia." Crap, I thought I turned off this Vox gizmo. Oh well,....Honey if you're listening....Just Kidding! You know I will be a goooood boy tonight." "HA-HA-HA-HA" Shut up Brutus,....Quintus,.... you guys are not helping me out here. Why don't you both go use the facilities. Too late, the two men are in the arena. The crowd is up off their benches. IT IS SO LOUD IN HERE RIGHT NOW THAT I WILL HAVE TO SHOUT TO BE HEARD! THE MURMILLOS ARE GAGING EACH OTHER BY CIRCLING AROUND. HERE THEY COME....CCCCRRRRAAAASSSSHHHH!!!! THEY BOUNCE OFF EACH OTHER'S SCUTUM. THEIR SCUTUM HAVE BROKEN, THEIR BOSSESS ARE TOO DENTED TO BE OF ANY USE. THEY HAVE BOTH DROPPED THEM AND HAVE CHARGED EACH OTHER AGAIN. EACH HAVE STOPPED THE OTHER'S SWORD IN MID THRUST WITH THEIR LEFT HANDS AND ARE IN A DEATH GRIP. WHAT A FIGHT....THESE TWO GLADIATORS ARE CERTAINLY THE BEST OF THE BEST! ANSGAR TRIES TO SWEEP AEQUOREUS' LEFT LEG FROM UNDER HIM WITH HIS RIGHT LEG TO TRY TO TAKE AWAY HIS BALANCE. AEQUOREUS AUTOMATICALLY PICKS UP HIS LEFT FOOT AT THE ATTEMPTED SWEEP AND HAS JUST KICKED ANSGAR IN THE CROTUM IN RESPONSE. MURMILLOS ARE PRETTY WELL PROTECTED BUT NOT AGAINST THIS KIND OF ATTACK. ANSGAR HAS JUST STARTED TO DOUBLE OVER IN PAIN. HOLY IUPITER, THERE GOES ANSGAR'S HEAD, HELMET AND ALL, ROLLING AWAY...SPRAYING BLOOD IN A SPIRAL AS IT ROLLS THEN COMES TO A STOP IN THE ARENA'S SANDY SURFACE. AEQUOREUS IS GETTING A BLOOD SHOWER SINCE ANSGAR'S FALLING CORPSE IS STILL SO CLOSE IN FRONT OF HIM. THE KICK OBVIOUSLY LOOSENED ANSGAR'S GRIP ON AEQUOREUS' WRIST AND THAT WAS ALL HE NEEDED TO FINISH OFF HIS ADVERSARY. THE CROWD IS GOING WILD! It is finally starting to quiet down in the Flavian Amphitheater. Aequoreus is being presented with the Wooden Rutus of Freedom by Consul Pompeia. He is now a freeman. This sets a record doesn't it? He fought publicly for the first time this very year and barely survived the Ludi Victoriae....And now he is the proud owner of the Wooden Rutus of Freedom presented to him this day for his glorious victories at this Ludi. Aequoreus is certainly a fast learner but to receive the Wooden Rutus after such a short career is almost unheard of. He has removed his helmet for the presentation, a handsome face to view for a barbarian. He is so overjoyed that tears are streaming down his otherwise blood smeared face. It has all been worth it for him, all the months of brutal training have paid off handsomely. It apparently didn't hurt for him to have worked in the quarries, a very strong gladiator indeed. Rumor has it that he has wagered heavily on himself at this Ludi with ALL the money he has ever earned from ALL his previous wagers so not only is he now free but very wealthy as well. Crap, that means that he will also be at Silvana's party, and he isssss the hero of the Munera Gladiatoris. Thanks Po. Damn! The crowd is settling down and starting to exit the stadium. Purses are being handed over everywhere we look. Uhumm,....Quintus, Brutus, hand them over fellas. Don't you guys walk away! You can use the Vomitorium AFTER giving me the money you both owe me buddies, ...Quintus, ...Brutus??? Stop right there. I've got to watch these sneaky Legionaries, otherwise they will quickly skiddadle back to the Campus Martius and pay the Legionary guards off to keep me out. I know all the tricks...Quintus, Brutus, don't you guys remember who taught that one to you in the first place? This is Marcus Cassius Philippus for Nova Roma Sports signing off for the last time. The Munera Gladiatoria Ludi is now officially over. The Parties will start shortly and everyone will be trying to get invited to Silvana's, hoping for an Orgy later tonight....So, I am saying farewell for the last time. It's been fun everyone. If any of you are in Ostia, come over for a cup of Falernian sometime. FINIS MUNERA GLADIATORIA LUDI FINALS: 1. Murmillo Naois Ansgar vs Retiarius Vir : Murmillo Naois Ansgar is the winner. 2. Murmillo Aequoreus vs Secutor Ktistai : Murmillo Aequoreus is the winner. And the great final: Murmillo Naois Ansgar vs Murmillo Aequoreus : Murmillo Aequoreus is the winner. |
